By Mike Snyder
The thoughts start kicking in about a week before I leave for MD Anderson. Once I've finished all the practical preparations, I struggle to stay optimistic and hopeful about my chondrosarcoma treatment.I push those thoughts to the back of my mind, but as my travel date gets closer, they become more insistent. During my drive to the airport, they squeeze in close, like fellow passengers on an overcrowded bus. What will my scans show? Are my tumors bigger? Have they changed shape? Are there any new tumors?
Coping with doubt during chondrosarcoma treatment
The idea of new tumors makes the really morbid thoughts kick in: Will I be able to stay on my clinical trial? What if there isn't another trial I qualify for? Is this the time when my doctor will tell me there isn't anything else they can do for me? Will he send me home to face whatever the future holds for me without medication or treatment? Without hope?